Saturday, 28 March 2009
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Currently
A Twist In My Story
By Secondhand Serenade
see relatedI can't take it anymore!!!
I need a vacation or something. I just need to get away from this stupid city. I don't know why anyone would want to live here. It smells, it's dirty, it's expensive, and it's crowded. But somehow, if I had to choose where to go to college it would be here. I just wish I could go home over breaks like everyone else. At this point I have been living in NYC nonstop for over a year. So much has changed and I just feel so crappy. I really just want to go home. I know things are completely different there but at least it's an atmosphere where I can be myself and possibly be happy. Here, I'm only happy when I'm with Matt because other than that I'm just alone or at least feeling alone. I'm not saying I want to go home forever, I just mean over breaks, because I do want to go to school here. It's just that people here (at my school) aren't really anything like me...but then again I'm a horrible friend maker. I'm just really shy I guess. I don't know.... all I know is that I want to go home. I miss my family, I miss my friends, and I miss my house! I miss the country, the fresh air, and the trees! Now that spring is pretty much here I'm just thinking about how amazing I feel at home in the spring and summer. Things are just perfect there when the weather is nice. Here, no matter what the weather is, it sucks!!! When it gets nice here I like to go to central park or battery park because they are sort of secluded from the honking, I lay on the grass and pretend I'm in my backyard.
The only thing I'm looking forward to is mid-july. I'm going to be a counselor at camp for a month!!!! I cannot wait! I'll be pretty much home then for a while. Right now I just have so much to do, no time to do it, and feeling like crap all the time isn't helping. I'm waiting on a letter from LIU to let me know they've accepted me to transfer there in the fall.
I like to speak it into existence. But I'd like to think if I got into Pace then I should definitley be able to get into LIU without a problem. After this semester, which ends about two weeks into May--I have no idea where I'm going! I need to stay in the city because I have a great job here... but once again, WHERE am I going to live!!!??? Last year after a rushed room hunt I ended up staying with Matt and his family. I'm greatful that I was allowed to stay there but I don't want to do it again...not that I've even had the offer...MAN! I just feel overwhelmed. I don't know what to do or where to go... I don't know if I'm doing the right things at all. I don't know anything except that I can't stop crying because I feel like crap and I'm just so tired of being here.
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Comments (2)
Jill, speak those things that arient as if they were, i can undestand how you feel, I just wanted to invite you to come up for Easter Manda Brian and the kids are comng up for the weekend, we are going to have dnner at Johnny and Heathers, this is your opportunity to meet Mason! come on you are family, you are always welcome. Come lay in my yard and make new dreams...... I am always here for you, anyime you come up u can stay here for the weekend. I will feed you too! xoxox and you know what God has you in the palm of his hands and knows what is going to happen next and has your life planned out, his plan is for good. He will make a way where their seems to be no way. look at the big picture... it is lik a puzzle, one piece at a time, that is the way that he works in our lives, one piece at a time. but when the puzzle is done it is a beautifl picture. Have a great day! xoxo
Jillian, it was so good seeing you! Hope that this break going to Manda and Brains and getting to go to DC was a nice break for you, plus spending Easter Day with us! you are such a sweet girl. It is always nice to get away, makes it easier to get into the swing of the end of the school year for ya sorta. Just remember that you are always welcome to come up anytime. Have a great week! xoxo